Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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