How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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