You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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