I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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