You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize