I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
