i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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