She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
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I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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