There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
