All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
