Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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