you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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