Your mouth is God's brothel.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
