Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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