the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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