I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
