i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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