im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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