Rock
Scissors
Fuck
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
