it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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