having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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