No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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