Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
