I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize