My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
