Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
