You smell like a Billy Joel song
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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