i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
