I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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