Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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