So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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