hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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