i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
