she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
