you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
