were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
