i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
