It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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