I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
