explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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