**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
