The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize