We're facebook friends in real life
Jerry, you need to find god
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
