I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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