So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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