she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
