Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
