i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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