Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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