Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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