happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
