My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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