oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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