words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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