I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
