she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
