One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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