tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
