he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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