I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
