Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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