Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
