so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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