She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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