he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize