i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
