Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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